Stopping Our Pain

At one time or another we all have had pain in our lives, some of us live in pain while others go in and out of pain. Some of us choose not to feel it by stuffing it, in which case it is always going to rear its ugly little head later. This month I wanted to share with you an excerpt out of one of the books that helped me deal with my own pain, The language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie. Please read…
   There are many sources of pain in our life. Those of us recovering from adult children and codependency issues frequently have a cesspool of unresolved pain from the past. We have feelings,sometimes from early childhood to the present, that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support and permission to deal with.
    There are other inevitable sources of pain ion our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.
    There is pain in recovery, as we begin allowing ourselves to feel while dropping our protective shield of denial.
    There is the pain that leads and guides us into better choices for our future.
    We have many choices about how to stop this pain. We may have experimented with different options. Compulsive and addictive behaviors stop pain – temporarily. We may have used alcohol, other drugs, relationships, or sex to stop our pain.
    We may talk compulsively or compulsively focus on other people and their needs as a way to avoid or stop our pain.
    We may use religion to avoid our feelings.
    We may resort to denial of how we are feeling to stop our pain.
    We may stay so busy that we don’t have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, or food to stop our pain.
    We have many choices. To survive, we may have used some of these options, only to find that these were Band-Aids – temporary pain relievers that did not solve the problem. They did not really stop our pain; they postponed it.
    In recovery, there is a better choice about how we may stop pain. We can face it and feel it. When we are ready, with our Higher Power’s help, we can summon the courage to feel the pain, let it go, and let the pain move us forward – into a new decision, a better life.
    We can stop the behaviors we are doing that cause pain, if that’s appropriate. We can make a decision to remove ourselves from situations that cause repeated, similar pain. We can learn the lesson our pain is trying to teach us.
    If we are being pelleted by pain, there is a lesson. Trust that idea. Something is being worked out in us. The answer will not come from addictive or other compulsive behaviors; we will receive the answer when we feel our feelings.
    It takes courage to be willing to stand still and feel what we must feel. Sometimes, we have what seems like endless layers of pain inside us. Pain hurts. Grief hurts. Sadness hurts. It does not feel good. But neither does denying what is already there; neither does living a lifetime with old and new pockets of pain packed, stored and stacked within.
    It will only hurt for a while, no longer than necessary, to heal us. We can trust that is we must feel pain, it is part of healing, and it is good. We can become willing to surrender to and accept the inevitable painful feelings that are a good part of recovery.
    Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing and good feelings are on the other side.
I hope this helps you as it did me. What I realized once I began admitting my pain, was that I had stuffed it my entire life. I did all the things she mentions here not to deal with it. I didn’t know any better, no one had taught me any better. It wasn’t my fault, however it was my responsibility once I learned there was a way to a healthier life. May God bless you, until next time.
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Fran Speake

Riveting-Shocking-Edgy-Emotional. These are just some of the words people use when describing this true life story of born-again Christian, Fran Speake. Suffering severe emotional neglect as child, at a young age she went out searching for answers and trying to find her own true identity. It seems no matter where she looked, no matter where she turned, every corner was met with another tragedy. Going from one relationship to another, she eventually tried to settle down and married the cousin of the infamous rock star, Eddie Van Halen. In her story she recalls what it was like "running with the devil" -- of having lived through her own personal struggles and a life of drug addiction. For the first time, author, Fran Speake pulls back the curtains and reveals her inner most secrets; Of how she went from a life of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, drug addiction, and low self esteem to becoming a woman of God. She believes her entire life turned around when she experienced divine intervention. She is now living a life with God, through Jesus Christ and gives thanks for her transformation each and every day.

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