Part Four Feeling Overwhelmed Series: You Are Not Alone
In this final post of the series I would like to revisit what we can all do to help put an end to the stress that comes from feeling overwhelmed.
In part one of this series we talked about awareness and I told of a situation where I cleaned my boyfriends dirty apartment while he was away; And by putting my focus on his own untidiness and on his problems I didn’t have to be concerned with my own situation.
Many times it is so much easier for us to focus on other people’s problems, faults, and shortcomings. By doing this we hide our own discrepancies. But the problem is, we are actually hiding them from ourselves, which is why we talked about awareness. In order to solve a problem we must first be aware that there is even a problem to begin with.
In the New Testament Jesus tells us:
“You Hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” – Matthew 7:5 NIV
These are strong words and sometimes hard for us to swallow, but it doesn’t seem to be a suggestion, it is written as more of a command.
How are we to help our brothers and sisters with their problems if we haven’t even taken care of our own?
Yes, it truly does starts with self-awareness.
In part two of our series we talk about making changes.
Once you are aware of your problem, you have to have a willingness to make the change, but it takes more than that.
In order to change, you have to learn to really love yourself. Now, we are not talking about the conceited love of a narcissist. We are talking about you seeing yourself as a child of God. Once you realize you are one of God’s blessed children, you will find self-worth. Instead of going out and seeking approval from others, you will instinctively know in your heart that you no longer need anyone’s approval.
One of the problems many of us face that grew up feeling abandonment is that we were constantly and consistently seeking approval.
It all starts when we are children. We didn’t get the required attention and love from one or both of our parents, so we begin seeking it elsewhere through other means. Sometimes some get lucky and find a good mentor or someone who can be a blessing, but for most, it is the root cause of codependency.
It can also be the cause of us looking for love in all the wrong places and even causes many of us to stay in relationships that are extremely unhealthy or even dangerous. I believe this is what causes women to stay with a man for years even though he mistreats her over and over again.
She is codependent and is always trying to seek approval because she might have had an abusive relationship with one of her parents. By seeking out someone like our neglectful or abusive parent, she somehow feels as though she can change her past. But what really is the case, she just found someone just like that abusive or neglectful parent. It’s a terrible cycle, but it CAN (and WILL) be broken!
We have to remember that we can never change the past, but we CAN (and must) change our future and it begins by realizing we are now Children of the King, the most high God.
We deserve better. We just need to realize it and remember it in our daily walk.
Try loving yourself instead of repeating old messages and recording that keep playing over inside your head. You deserve it.
In part three we talked about setting boundaries.
Once you have made up your mind that you are going to change and you begin to see a positive change in your mindset, your attitude and how you feel about yourself, you will begin to experience a lot of resistance. Just be on guard and know that the enemy will come up against you, especially when he knows you are turning your life around and you are now living for and walking daily with God.
In the beginning you will most-likely hear some people congratulating you on your new outlook, but then there are others around you, ones that want you to stay the way you were because it was easy for them to control you when you would consistently seek out their approval.
These are the ones you need to be cautious with. Those around you who were coddling you will try and use every trick in the book to “put you back in your place”. Don’t let them do it. Don’t let anyone steal your joy!
You are a new creation now and you must not let them get in between you and God. That’s why I mentioned setting boundaries. You must set up and establish an invisible fence, in a way. You’ve got to stand guard and let it be known that you won’t be going back to the old you.
In Ephesians, we are told:
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. – Ephesians 6:13 (NIV)
Sure, you will meet lots of resistance, but it’s about you and not them at this point (remember what Jesus said about the pulling the plank out of your own eye first).
Many will call you selfish and conceited. In fact they will do what ever it takes… Just don’t buy into it and don’t give in. Don’t be bullied! If it comes down to physical abuse, go to the police or seek shelter elsewhere. Find a true friend, a family member, or a loving pastor who can intervene.
You don’t deserve to be abused. Mentally or physically.
I totally understand that when you are in a situation such as this, it leads to anxiety and depression. It leads to a feeling of grief and shallowness. A terrible feeling of overwhelm that can seemingly take hold and won’t let go.
But just remember that you no longer have to feel overwhelmed. When you begin to feel the pressure and the weight coming down on you, seek out a quiet place and ask God to help you.
Walk daily in prayer and in His word. Talk to God everyday and ask for His guidance and protection. The more you walk with God, the less stressful life becomes. Soon you will find that much of the overwhelming feeling will begin to fade, but it all begins with the acceptance that you “deserve” the love that God wants you to have in your life. God wants all of His children to have a blessed, fruitful life… if they will only just accept it.
Thank you for reading my blog and if there is anything I can do to help in way of advice, please feel free to leave a comment or send me an email using the contact form on this website.
Thanks again and walk boldly in the confidence that you are a Child of God.
Fran Speake
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